I had a job interview at an insurance company once and the lady said Where do you see yourself in five years and i said Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question.
More Quotes from Mitch Hedberg:
I get the Reese's candy bar, If you read it, there's an apostrophe. The candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time your eating a Reese's and some guy named Reese comes up to you and says let me have that. You better give it to him. I'm sorry Reece, I didn't think I would ever run into you.Mitch Hedberg
I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say Go around I cannot
Mitch Hedberg
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
Mitch Hedberg
My roommate says, I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.
Mitch Hedberg
Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they informed me that they could not do that, like there was some speical rule at Subway that two pieces of bread weren't allowed to touch. So the woman asked me what I wanted on the sandwich and I said I do not care it is for a duck, and she was like oh then it's free. I was not aware that ducks eat for free at Subway. It's like give me a chicken fajita sub, but don't worry about ringing it up, it is for a duck.
Mitch Hedberg
I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
Mitch Hedberg
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