Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand They'll think you're cocky. 'Look what I got... This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick somethin' up.'
More Quotes from Mitch Hedberg:
If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.Mitch Hedberg
I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.
Mitch Hedberg
Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
Mitch Hedberg
If you boat a lot, you're known as a boating enthusiast. I like to boat, but I just don't want to ever be referred to as a 'boating enthusiast'. I hope they call me 'a guy who likes to boat'.
Mitch Hedberg
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Mitch Hedberg
I mumble a lot off-stage, I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend and I say something, he won't hear me, he'll say 'What'. So I'll say it again, but once again he doesn't hear me, so he says 'What'. But really it's just some insignificant sht that I'm saying, but now I'm yelling, 'That tree is far away.'
Mitch Hedberg
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When men and women agree, it is only in their conclusions; their reasons are always different.
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