I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.
More Quotes from Mitch Hedberg:
Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load his shit into a truck.Mitch Hedberg
I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.
Mitch Hedberg
I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.
Mitch Hedberg
I saw some two-dollar bills today - They were for sale for eight dollars. Something went severely wrong there. What happened It spun out of control... Now it's worth eight, still says two. I miss the two. I could break a two.
Mitch Hedberg
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
Mitch Hedberg
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.
Mitch Hedberg
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