My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever... Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don't want 'em to. I'm like, 'Hey, hold on fellas - Let me hold one of you.'
More Quotes from Mitch Hedberg:
I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.Mitch Hedberg
I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slammed the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation Zipper it up really quick.
Mitch Hedberg
My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.
Mitch Hedberg
I wrote a letter to my dad, I was going to write 'I really enjoyed being here', but I accidentally wrote 'rarely' instead of 'really'. But I wanted to use it, I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote 'I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot of sht you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator.' I know this letter took a harsh turn right away.
Mitch Hedberg
...and then at the end of the letter I like to write P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.
Mitch Hedberg
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
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Based on Topics: Light QuotesBased on Keywords: cockroaches, cutest, fellas, infestation, infested, koala
It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little - do what you can.
Sydney Smith
Our fates are in the hands of An Almighty God, to whom I can with pleasure confide my own; he can save us, or destroy us; his Councils are fixed and cannot be disappointed, and all his designs will be Accomplished.
Abraham Clark
I just want to be told a story, and I want to believe I'm living that story, and I don't give a thought to influences or method or any other writerly concerns.
Anne Tyler