I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
More Quotes from Mitch Hedberg:
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.Mitch Hedberg
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
Mitch Hedberg
My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.
Mitch Hedberg
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Mitch Hedberg
It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?
Mitch Hedberg
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at...
Mitch Hedberg
Readers Who Like This Quotation Also Like:
We live in a land like no other - a land of freedom and opportunity unparalleled on the face of the globe.Bob Taft
Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
Jim Davis
Enquire what the effect of large endowments are upon colleges.
Ezra Cornell