I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
More Quotes from Mitch Hedberg:
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.Mitch Hedberg
My friend said to me, You know what I like Mashed potatoes. I was like, Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause.
Mitch Hedberg
Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load his shit into a truck.
Mitch Hedberg
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Mitch Hedberg
I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.
Mitch Hedberg
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.
Mitch Hedberg
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Every great inspiration is but an experiment.
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