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Terry Pratchett Quotes (152 Quotes)


  • Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch")

  • Humans! They lived in the world where the grass continued to be green and the sun rose every day and flowers regularly turned into fruit, and what impressed them? Weeping statues. And wine made out of water! A mere quantum-mechanistic tunnel effect, that'd happen anyway if you were prepared to wait zillions of years. As if the turning of sunlight into wine, by means of vines and grapes and time and anzymes, wasn't a thousand times more impressive and happened all the time...
    (Terry Pratchett, "Small Gods")

  • On the Disc, the Gods aren't so much worshipped, as they are blamed.
    (Terry Pratchett, "The Color of Magic")

  • But…but you can't treat religion as a sort of buffet, can you? I mean, you can't say yes please, I'll have some of the Celestial Paradise and a helping of the Divine Plan but go easy on the kneeling and none of the Prohibition of Images, they give me wind. Its table d´hôte or nothing, otherwise…well, it would be silly.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Going Postal")

  • Shadwell hated all southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North Pole.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch")


  • There's no point in believing in things that exist.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Small Gods")

  • You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? On the Discworld we know that There Be Dragons Everywhere. They might not all have scales and forked tongues, but they Be Here all right, grinning and jostling and trying to sell you souvenirs.
    (Terry Pratchett, "The Color of Magic")

  • Soon to come in licorice, orange, cinnamon, and banana, but not strawberry, because I hate strawberries.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Going Postal")

  • In the words of the philosopher Scepturn, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?
    (Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch")

  • Fate can be one mean god at times.
    (Terry Pratchett, "The Color of Magic")

  • But the purpose of the book is not the horror, it is horror's defeat.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch")

  • It's no wonder most religions are born in the desert, because when men lay beneath that boundless night sky and look up at the infinite expanse of creation they have an uncontrollable urge to put something in the way
    (Terry Pratchett, "Small Gods")

  • Possession of the box conferred a kind of power on the wielder--which was that anyone, confronted with the hypnotic glass eye, would submissively obey the most peremptory orders about stance and expression.
    (Terry Pratchett, "The Color of Magic")

  • Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?
    (Terry Pratchett, "Going Postal")

  • She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a forest fire was beautiful: something to be admired from a distance, not up close.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch")