Terry Pratchett Quotes (152 Quotes)


    The demon coughed nervously. Demons do not breathe; however, every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life. And this was one of them as far as the demon was concerned.



    But in his experience it was only a matter of time before the normal balance of the universe restored itself and started doing the usual terrible things to him.





    He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe- which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.

    The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

    Genius is always allowed some leeway, once the hammer has been pried from its hands and the blood has been cleaned up.

    People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else.

    They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it's not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.

    Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too, o'course.

    Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

    It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,' he said. 'Have you thought of going into teaching

    The truth is that even big collections of ordinary books distort space, as can readily be proved by anyone who has been around a really old-fashioned secondhand bookshop, one of those that look as though they were designed by M. Escher on a bad day and has more staircases than storeys and those rows of shelves which end in little doors that are surely too small for a full- sized human to enter. The relevant equation is Knowledge power energy matter mass a good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.

    Something as artificial and human as an hour wouldn't last five minutes here. It would be dried out and shrivelled up in seconds.

    You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look.

    It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living.

    Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.

    Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.

    Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. Of course, I could be wrong.

    The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.

    If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power... they will talk, they will gloat. So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word.

    And therefore education at the University mostly worked by the age-old method of putting a lot of young people in the vicinity of a lot of books and hoping that something would pass from one to the other, while the actual young people put themselves in the vicinity of inns and taverns for exactly the same reason.

    There's a door.Where does it goIt stays where it is, I think.

    Humans need fantasy to be human. Take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet you act, like there was some sort of rightness in the universe by which it may be judged Yes. But people have got to believe that or what's the point My point exactly.

    The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all types of clothing and asked Yo, my son, which of these is the most stylish thing to wear And the correct answer is Hey, whatever I select.

    It's either because of the number of times the scholar puts the boot into Peter Jackson the director of The Lord of the Rings films or is making a point they have never heard of.

    Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out til too late that he's been playing with two queens all along.


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