I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
More Quotes from Mitch Hedberg:
So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.Mitch Hedberg
Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.
Mitch Hedberg
I got my hair highlighted because I thought some strands were more important than others.
Mitch Hedberg
I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.
Mitch Hedberg
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.
Mitch Hedberg
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Mitch Hedberg
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In every truth, the beneficiaries of a system cannot be expected to destroy it.
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