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Mark Twain Quotes (1103 Quotes)


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  • Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn")

  • Well, Judge Thatcher he took it and put it out at interest, and it fetched us a dollar a day apiece all the year round- more than a body could tell what to do with.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn")

  • You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn")

  • I don't want no better book than what your face is.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn")

  • Ah, if he could only die temporarily!
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer")


  • I had been to school most all the time, and could spell, and read, and write just a little, and could say the multiplication table up to six times seven is thirty-five, and I don't reckon I could ever get any further than that if I was to live forever. I don't take no stock in mathematics, anyway.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn")

  • In another moment he was flying down the street with his pail and a tingling rear, Tom was whitewashing with vigor, and Aunt Polly was retiring from the field with a slipper in her hand and triumph in her eye.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer")

  • I reckon the widow or the parson or somebody prayed that this bread would find me, and here it have gone and done it. So there ain't no doubt but there is something in that thing. That is, there's something in it when a body like the widow or the parson prays, but it don't work for me, and I reckon it don't work for only just the right kind.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn")

  • Saturday morning was come, and all the summer world was bright and fresh, and brimming with life. There was a song in every heart; and if the heart was young, the music issued at the lips. There was cheer in every face and a spring in every step. The locust-trees were in bloom, and the fragrance of the blossoms filled the air. Cardiff Hill, beyond the village and above, it was green with vegetation, and it lay just far enough away to seem a Delectable Land, dreamy, reposeful, and inviting.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer")

  • If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn")

  • Tom appeared on the sidewalk with a bucket of whitewash and a long-handled brush. He surveyed the fence, and all gladness left him and a deep melancholy settled down upon his spirit. Thirty yards of board fence nine feet high. Life to him seemed hollow, and existence but a burden.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer")

  • Jim he couldn't see no sense in the most of it, but he allowed we was white folks and knowed better than him;
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn")

  • Tom counted the pages of the sermon; after church he always knew how many pages there had been, but he seldom knew anything else about the discourse.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer")

  • Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn")

  • Tom's army won a great victory, after a long and hard-fought battle. Then the dead were counted, prisoners exchanged, the terms of the next disagreement agreed upon, and the day for the necessary battle appointed; after which the armies fell into line and marched away, and Tom turned homeward alone.
    (Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer")


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