Mark Twain Quotes on God (25 Quotes)

    Public opinion is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

    The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world's luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took we know it because she repented.

    Some men worship rank, some men worship heroes, some men worship power, some men worship God, and over these ideals they dispute -- but they all worship money.

    The noblest work of God Man. Who found it out Man.

    God has put somrthing noble and good into every heart His hand created.

    In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

    What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

    India has 2,000,000 gods, and worships them all. In religion other countries are paupers India is the only millionaire.

    The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction, is this There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse with the other sex sexually, at any time of life. During twenty-three days in every month (in the absence of pregnancy) from the time a woman is seven years old till she dies of old age, she is ready for action, and competent. As competent as the candlestick is to receive the candle. Competent every day, competent every night. Also, she wants that candle -- yearns for it, longs for it, hankers after it, as commanded by the law of God in her heart.

    I have had an aversion to good spelling for sixty years and more, merely for the reason that when I was a boy there was not a thing I could do creditably except spell according to the book. It was a poor and mean distinction, and I early learned to disenjoy it. I suppose that this is because the ability to spell correctly is a talent, not an acquirement. There is some dignity about an acquirement, because it is a product of your own labor. It is wages earned, whereas to be able to do a thing merely by the grace of God, and not by your own effort, transfers the distinction to our heavenly home where possibly it is a matter of pride and satisfaction, but it leaves you naked and bankrupt.

    Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

    Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates

    God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

    True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.

    But we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and we glorious Americans will occasionally astonish the God that created us when we get a fair start.

    Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave it is merely a loose application of the word. Consider the flea -- incomparably the bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage.

    It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

    It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.

    There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought --a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering for

    Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

    We have pacified some thousands of the islanders and buried them destroyed their fields burned their villages, and turned their widows and orphans out-of-doors furnished heartbreak by exile to some dozens of disagreeable patriots subjugated the remaining 10 millions by Benevolent Assimilation, which is the pious new name of the musket. And so, by these Providences of God -- and the phrase is the government's, not mine -- we are a World Power.

    God puts something good and something lovable in every man His hands create.

    O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded . . .

    God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

    It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden

    More Mark Twain Quotations (Based on Topics)

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