Dave Barry Quotes on Time (8 Quotes)

And computers are getting smarter all the time scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By they I mean computers I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet.

Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages

Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Internet does not operate at the speed of light it operates at the speed of the DMV.

Edisons greatest achievement came in 1879, when he invented the electric company. Edisons design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again. This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught...the last year any new electricity was generated in the United States was 1937 the electric companies have been merely re-selling it ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate increases.

Mankind's yearning to engage in sports is older than recorded history, dating back to the time millions of years ago, when the first primitive man picked up a crude club and a round rock, tossed the rock into the air, and whomped the club into the sl

I will spare you a gushy description of the dive itself, except to say that when you finally see what goes on underwater, you realize that you've been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.