Dave Barry Quotes on Computers & Technology (11 Quotes)

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.

And computers are getting smarter all the time scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By they I mean computers I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet.

The function of RAM is to give us guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest, most tumescent MEMORY. This is important, because with todays complex software, the more memory a computer has, the faster it can produce error messages. So the bottom line is, if youre a guy, you cannot have enough RAM.

What, exactly, is the internet Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a 'modem', can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo

Without computers, the government would be unable to function at the level of effectiveness and efficiency that we have come to expect.... Todays government uses computers which are capable of cranking out millions of documents per day without any regard whatsoever for their content, thereby freeing government employees for more important responsibilities, such as not answering their phones.

Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger brothers or the dog - to get myself checkmated in under three minutes. I challenge any computer to do it faster.

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.