Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger brothers or the dog - to get myself checkmated in under three minutes. I challenge any computer to do it faster.
More Quotes from Dave Barry:
Edisons greatest achievement came in 1879, when he invented the electric company. Edisons design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again. This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught...the last year any new electricity was generated in the United States was 1937 the electric companies have been merely re-selling it ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate increases.Dave Barry
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.
Dave Barry
I've noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.
Dave Barry
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Dave Barry
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
Dave Barry
I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security
Dave Barry
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Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote.
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Most directors have little lists in their heads of people they really want to work with.
Alan Parker