I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
More Quotes from Mitch Hedberg:
I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.Mitch Hedberg
I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, Please try again. because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... Come on Mitchell, don't give up An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
Mitch Hedberg
I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said Fk it. Cut 'em up.
Mitch Hedberg
Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.
Mitch Hedberg
I get the Reese's candy bar, If you read it, there's an apostrophe. The candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time your eating a Reese's and some guy named Reese comes up to you and says let me have that. You better give it to him. I'm sorry Reece, I didn't think I would ever run into you.
Mitch Hedberg
Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.
Mitch Hedberg
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Based on Keywords: boiling, whistleI never thought I'd say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.
Bill Maher
You say a new era in art is preparing; you sensed it coming; continue your studies without weakening. God will do the rest.
Paul Cezanne
Idealist: a cynic in the making.
Irving Layton