I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought he's trying to pull a fast one'.
More Quotes from Tim Vine:
I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.Tim Vine
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
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I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.
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So I went down the local supermarket, I said I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it, he said Those are pickled onions.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
Tim Vine
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Hopefully as a country, that we learn from our mistakes of the past.
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