I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes ...
More Quotes from Steven Wright:
I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.Steven Wright
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out. The weatherman said, 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, 'Oops ... '
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Did you sleep well No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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Similarly, only people as misanthropic as myself can be counted on not to have to lie to others, since we have the unique luxury of not caring what sort of opinions others formulate about us.Boyd Rice
I hate banks. They do nothing positive for anybody except take care of themselves. They're first in with their fees and first out when there's trouble.
Earl Warren
Those that are the loudest in their threats are the weakest in their actions.
Charles Caleb Colton