Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors.
More Quotes from Steven Wright:
It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.Steven Wright
I was on a ski lift with another person ... no one I knew ... and he didn't say a word until we were half way up the mountain ... then he said, 'I haven't been skiing in ten years.' I said, 'How come' He said, 'I was in jail.' I didn't say anything. He said, 'You wanna know why' I said, 'Not really.' He said, 'I'll tell you anyway ... I was jailed for pushing a complete stranger off a ferris wheel.' I said, 'Oh yeah, I remember you.'
Steven Wright
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food.
Steven Wright
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright
What do batteries run on.
Steven Wright
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
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A lot of guys who have never choked have never been in the position to do so.
Tom Watson
There are too many souls of wood not to love those wooden characters who do indeed have a soul.
Jean Cocteau