I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
More Quotes from Mitch Hedberg:
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.Mitch Hedberg
Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.
Mitch Hedberg
I get the Reese's candy bar, If you read it, there's an apostrophe. The candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time your eating a Reese's and some guy named Reese comes up to you and says let me have that. You better give it to him. I'm sorry Reece, I didn't think I would ever run into you.
Mitch Hedberg
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
Mitch Hedberg
That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, It's cool, he's with me.
Mitch Hedberg
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