I'm Jewish. It don't work out. If God wanted us to bend over he'd have put diamonds on the floor.
More Quotes from Joan Rivers:
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.Joan Rivers
A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy.
Joan Rivers
How could she not be happy She was tall, thin, gorgeous and rich, rich, rich, with a husband who didn't want to sleep with her, two normal children and she had a crown.
Joan Rivers
Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.
Joan Rivers
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers
a good actress with real pathos.
Joan Rivers
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I am back in Los Angeles after a very successful run in Chicago as Billy Flynn.Greg Evigan
The least initial deviation from the truth is multiplied later a thousandfold.
Aristotle
Adversity is sometimes hard upon a man; but for one man who can stand prosperity, there are a hundred that will stand adversity.
Elvis Presley