I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
More Quotes from Joan Rivers:Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
We all started on his show, ... Every solid comedian today really got their break on the Carson show.
The last time I appeared in Las Vegas, they were wearing hoop skirts and Davy Crockett hats, ... But they say 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' And as far as fashion is concerned, that's a good thing.
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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The defence and air defence ministers were both replaced and more than 2,000 officers lost their jobs.
I love to sing, so I just figured that I was going to sing or something.
Men are the dreams of a shadow.