Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen.
More Quotes from Mitch Hedberg:
I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.Mitch Hedberg
My roommate says, I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.
Mitch Hedberg
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
I never joined the army because at ease was never that easy to me. Seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by parting my legs slightly and putting my hands behind my back. That does not equal ease. At ease was not being in the military. I am at ease, bro, because I am not in the military.
Mitch Hedberg
Sometimes I make some money doin' comedy. I made 3000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash, so I had 3000 in my front pocket. That was a bad situation, because then I start to buy ridulous sh. Like, I bought a snake-bite emergency repair kit. Then I said to my friends, 'Don't even worry about snakes anymore.' Then my friend stepped on a worm, I said, 'Lay down.' Snake bite emergency repair kit... is a body bag.
Mitch Hedberg
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
Mitch Hedberg
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Based on Topics: Kings & Queens QuotesBased on Keywords: disillusion
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