I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, 'I think I might have written that.'
More Quotes from Steven Wright:
I put a new engine in my car, but I forgot to take the old one out.... Now I can go 300 mph.Steven Wright
I invented the cordless extension cord.
Steven Wright
I put tape on my mirrors at my house so I won't accidentally walk through them into another dimension.
Steven Wright
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
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The statue is permanently out of place in my house,
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I've wanted to do it since I was 14 years old, from watching 'The Tonight Show,' watching Johnny (Carson) and the other comedians. Something clicked in me that I wanted to be one of those guys, someone who came out and made the audience laugh.
Steven Wright
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It's not easy to cut through a human head with a hacksaw.
Michael Crichton
This diamond has so many carats it's almost a turnip.
Richard Burton