I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.'
More Quotes from Steven Wright:
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.Steven Wright
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut.
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I bought an occassional table........sometimes it's a microwave oven.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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If poly A is added to poly U, to form a double or triple helix, the combination is inactive.Francis Crick
What a curious phenomenon it is that you can get men to die for the liberty of the world who will not make the little sacrifice that is needed to free themselves from their own individual bondage.
Bruce Barton
I had friends of mine tell me they had a baby, and I didn't even know they were pregnant.
Josh Lucas