How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
More Quotes from Emo Philips:
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.Emo Philips
I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them 800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
Emo Philips
People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi.
Emo Philips
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
Emo Philips
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
Emo Philips
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The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.Moliere
I plan to be running as long as I can and have no plans to stop.
Frank Shorter
When I got a lap dance, because I was 17, they had to put a massive pillow between me and the girl when she was grinding me. It was weird, yet pleasurable.
Emile Hirsch