I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.
More Quotes from Emo Philips:
When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.Emo Philips
I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.
Emo Philips
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
Emo Philips
People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi.
Emo Philips
The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
I was sick of people making fun of my hair and so I cut it off and I've got much more attention than ever before. It was like when Mona Lisa was stolen from the Louvre in 1906 - three times more people came to see where it used to be.
Emo Philips
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Based on Topics: Fate & Destiny QuotesBased on Keywords: gum, singles, stool
Everybody sets out to do something, and everybody does something, but no one does what he sets out to do.
George A. Moore
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
Mitch Hedberg
I have found the missing link between the higher ape and civilized man; it is we.
Konrad Lorenz