I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them 800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
More Quotes from Emo Philips:
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.Emo Philips
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
Emo Philips
England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.
Emo Philips
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
Emo Philips
I ran three miles today. Finally I said, Lady take your purse.
Emo Philips
I was sick of people making fun of my hair and so I cut it off and I've got much more attention than ever before. It was like when Mona Lisa was stolen from the Louvre in 1906 - three times more people came to see where it used to be.
Emo Philips
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