I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
More Quotes from George Carlin:
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
If youre reading it in a book, folks, it aint self-help. Its help.
George Carlin
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
George Carlin
I went straight from shenanigans to crimes against humanity.
George Carlin
I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a natural area that I'd have loved -- to teach it, probably, ... Language has always fascinated me. There's a genetic inheritance there ... a good language gene, which I inherited from my mother and grandfather and she fostered that in me as he fostered that in her.
George Carlin
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You learn how to be a gracious winner and an outstanding loser.
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