At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
More Quotes from Emo Philips:
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.Emo Philips
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
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Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
Emo Philips
I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.
Emo Philips
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