I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
More Quotes from Steven Wright:
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'Steven Wright
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone. When I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day because I know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
I have a map of the United States ... actual size. It says, 'Scale 1 mile 1 mile' I spent last summer folding it.
Steven Wright
I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.
Steven Wright
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You are undoubtedly acquainted with my Reputation, and as for my Penmanship it must speak for itself; this is to desire your Approbation to keep a public school.Eli Whitney
It is sometimes tougher to fight my superiors than the French.
Heinz Guderian
I get amazed, I can't look at it but about 10 seconds, at these politicians dancing around this, dancing around this, I'm trying to find a correct name for it, this utter absolute, asinine, idiotic stupidity of men marrying men.
Jimmy Swaggart