You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
More Quotes from Steven Wright:
I was on a ski lift with another person ... no one I knew ... and he didn't say a word until we were half way up the mountain ... then he said, 'I haven't been skiing in ten years.' I said, 'How come' He said, 'I was in jail.' I didn't say anything. He said, 'You wanna know why' I said, 'Not really.' He said, 'I'll tell you anyway ... I was jailed for pushing a complete stranger off a ferris wheel.' I said, 'Oh yeah, I remember you.'Steven Wright
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
Steven Wright
I bought a ticket on Airline Bizarre ... a one-way round-trip ticket.... You leave any Monday and they bring you back the previous Friday.... that way, you still have the weekend.
Steven Wright
The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament, and we have five games this weekend, so I figure if I can finish the game off, I can give 'em a little rest so they can go out and get the next four game
Steven Wright
A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. 'You didn't borrow this.' 'I will.'
Steven Wright
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Familiar things happen, and mankind does not bother about them. It requires a very unusual mind to undertake the analysis of the obvious.Alfred North Whitehead
I had to wait for a long time before I could support myself with writing. However, being a writer is what I have most wanted to be, from the time I was a child.
Margaret Mahy
The only risk we run is by doing nothing.
Brian Higgins