The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
More Quotes from Mitch Hedberg:
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need to dial 9 I say Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick.Mitch Hedberg
I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...
Mitch Hedberg
I never joined the army because at ease was never that easy to me. Seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by parting my legs slightly and putting my hands behind my back. That does not equal ease. At ease was not being in the military. I am at ease, bro, because I am not in the military.
Mitch Hedberg
Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.
Mitch Hedberg
I was walking down the street at 3am, and I passed a dry cleaner. The sign in the window said -Sorry, We're Closed. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3am. And you're a dry cleaners. Its not like I was gonna come back at 10 and say Hey man, I was here at 3 and you guys were closed... somebody owes me an apology.
Mitch Hedberg
Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand They'll think you're cocky. 'Look what I got... This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick somethin' up.'
Mitch Hedberg
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Keith Thibodeaux
If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.
Noel Coward
I don't think you can ever do your best. Doing your best is a process of trying to do your best.
Townes Van Zandt