Mark Twain Quotes (1103 Quotes)

It's better to keep quiet and have people think you stupid, than to talk and confirm it.

The more I get to know about lawyers, the more I'm in favor of hangin'.

I was sorry to have my name mentioned among the great authors because they have a sad habit of dying off

The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.

Truth is neither alive nor dead it just aggravates itself all the time.

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, know how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.

From his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any first and foremost object but one -- to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for himself.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon And does not hear her.

The heart is the real Fountain of Youth.

I never let schooling interfere with my education.

There are no mistakes in life, there are only lessons to be learned Adivce to the Youth.

Is a person's public and private opinion the same It is thought there have been instances

It is more trouble to make a maxim than it is to do right

The noblest work of God Man. Who found it out Man.

After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.

A man with a new idea is a crank until he succeeds.

One of the brightest gems in the New England weather is the dazzling uncertainty of it.

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

The slowness of one section of the world about adopting the valuable ideas of another section of it is a curious thing and unaccountable

Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him.

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

There are two forces that can carry light to all corners of the globe -- the sun in the heavens and the Associated Press.

A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose.

Make it a point to do something every day that you dont want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

Manifestly, dying is nothing to a really great and brave man

It will start in here in November and rain about four, and sometimes as much as seven days on a stretch after that, you may loan out your umbrella for twelve months, with the serene confidence which a Christian feels in four aces

Our consciences take no notice of pain inflicted on others until it reaches a point where it gives pain to us.

What is there in Rome for me to see that others have not seen before me What is there for me to touch that others have not touched What is there for me to feel, to learn, to hear, to know, that shall thrill me before it pass to others.

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them - you can't help it and then it will take you the rest of the book to get them out of the natural consequences of that occurrence, and so

I would much prefer to suffer from the clean incision of an honest lancet than from a sweetened poison

Four years at West Point and plenty of books and schooling will learn a man a great deal, It won't learn him the river.

The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire

I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.

By and by when each nation has 20,000 battleships and 5,000,000 soldiers we shall all be safe and the wisdom of statesmanship will stand confirmed

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

A mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's grief and everybody's joy found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.

Inherited ideas are a curious thing, and interesting to observe and examine.

Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.

Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.

We recognize that there are no trivial occurences in life

Duties are not performed for duty's sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty -- the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself.