It's a fine night to have an evening.
More Quotes from Steven Wright:
Today, I dialed a wrong number. The other side said, 'Hello' and I said, 'Hello, could I speak to Joey' They said, 'Uh, I don't think so ... He's only two months old.' I said, 'I'll wait 'Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
Shin a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Steven Wright
I walked up to a beautiful woman in a bar and I said, 'Do you live around here often' And she said, 'You're wearing two different colored socks.' And I said, 'I know, but to me they're the same, I go by thickness.'
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If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
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I put a new engine in my car, but I forgot to take the old one out.... Now I can go 300 mph.
Steven Wright
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There is only one way left to escape the alienation of present day society: to retreat ahead of it.Roland Barthes
It is an excellent rule to be observed in all disputes, that men should give soft words and hard arguments; that they should not so much strive to vex as to convince each other.
John Wilkins
When you are dealing with a child, keep all your wits about you, and sit on the floor.
Austin OMalley