I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
More Quotes from Steven Wright:
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.Steven Wright
Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons.
Steven Wright
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
Steven Wright
I walked up to a beautiful woman in a bar and I said, 'Do you live around here often' And she said, 'You're wearing two different colored socks.' And I said, 'I know, but to me they're the same, I go by thickness.'
Steven Wright
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one. It wasn't doing what I was doing.
Steven Wright
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet' I said, 'I don't know ... let me ask Tony.'
Steven Wright
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If you do this, you're going to have some heartaches from it. You're going to have people yelling at you or maybe screaming at you or criticizing you, but I think it's the best way to sell a superior chicken.
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