I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
More Quotes from Steven Wright:
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.Steven Wright
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, 'Steven, time to go to sleep.' I said, 'But I don't know how.' She said, 'It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left.' So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said 'I thought I told you to go to sleep.'
Steven Wright
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Steven Wright
I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out. The weatherman said, 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, 'Oops ... '
Steven Wright
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