I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
More Quotes from Rita Rudner:
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.Rita Rudner
A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner
I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
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The creative habit is like a drug. The particular obsession changes, but the excitement, the thrill of your creation lasts.
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