I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend -- I didn't bother with him.
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Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way My wife can't seeGeorge Carlin
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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I'm also tired of hearing about innocent victims this is an outmoded idea. There are no innocent victims. If you're born on this world you're guilt, period, fck you, end of report, next case. Your birth certificate is proof of guilt.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.
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