Earl Wilson Quotes (49 Quotes)

The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone.

I've been around, and I see what other cities are doing, and I think, 'Why not us, we're a proud people,'

Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?

Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.

Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done.

Gossip, n. Hearing something you like about someone you don't.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen.

There's certain things that had to be proven beyond a reasonable doubt, ... So I'd have to be able to prove what he said was in fact false and I can't do that.

We all know it's a high-profile case, ... I don't know Moe Amery from a hole in the ground, so I had no difficulty in accepting the file.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.

Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect.

A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.

Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

How you use today will determine how tomorrow uses you.

Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents.

He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.

Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.

If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.

Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think that she's attractive to the opposite sex.

Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.

Announcement from the proud parents of a baby daughter. We have skirted the issue.

No horse can go as fast as the money you put on it

For some kids who never even dreamed of going to college, they come to see the games and black football teams and bands from black colleges, and they see what's possible.

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

Somebody figured it out we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.

Saying 'Gesundheit' doesn't really help the common cold but its about as good as anything the doctors have come up with.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

For the parents of a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown into innings.

Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money.

Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.

Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.

Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.

An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.

The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise.

Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.

You can say this for ready-mixes - the next generation isn't going to have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make.

A bachelor is a guy who leans toward women but not far enough to lose his balance.

Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.

Nowadays people can be divided into three classes - the haves the have-nots and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves