I would rather go to bed with Lillian Russell stark naked than Ulysses S. Grant in full military regalia.
More Quotes from Mark Twain:
My idea of our civilization is that it is a shoddy, poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogances, meannesses and hypocrisiesMark Twain
Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace even affectionately.
Mark Twain
Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.
Mark Twain
Ill risk forty dollars that he can outjump an frog in Calaveras county.
Mark Twain
Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
Mark Twain
It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not
Mark Twain
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The price of self-empowerment is what I call it. Somebody who thinks outside the box.
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If slaughterhouses had glass walls the whole world would be vegetarian.
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