I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand
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Senator John Kerry released his plan today to eliminate the deficit. He said all we have to do is find a really rich country like Switzerland and marry it.Jay Leno
Today President Bush ordered an investigation into whether it is appropriate to have civilians with no experience running a Navy sub. Hey, how about an investigation into whether it's appropriate to have a civilian with no experience running the country
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Newsweek reported that 87 Congressman are currently having affairs. In fact, that is why they have roll call ever morning, to see who is back from the motel. Last call Kennedy I know these guys like to poll their constituents but this is ridiculous.
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The Sacramento Bee is reporting that Arnold Schwarzenegger is not going to run for governor. You know what would be better Arnold should do what he does in the Terminator movies. He should go back in time and prevent Gray Davis from ever being born. That way you wouldn't have the problem.
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Shaquille O'Neal, ... has signed a five-year, 100-million contract extension with the Miami Heat. ...Actually, they offered him 200 million if he would practice his free throws, but he said no.
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Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue.
Jay Leno
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Jazz came to America three hundred years ago in chains.
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It always takes awfully long time to understand unbelievably simple things.
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