What's the trick to remembering that a sandwich is masculine? What qualities does it share with anyone in possession of a penis? I'll tell myself that a sandwich is masculine because if left alone for a week or two, it will eventually grow a beard.
("Me Talk Pretty One Day")
More Quotes from David Sedaris:
If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.David Sedaris
We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
David Sedaris
The message was that if something is free, you should only take the best. If, on the other hand, you're forced to pay, it's best to lower the bar and not be so choosy.
David Sedaris
After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.
David Sedaris
Certain motherfuckers think they can fuck with my shit, but you can't kill the Rooster. You might can fuck him up some times, but, bitch, nobody kills the motherfucking Roster. You know what I'm saying?
David Sedaris
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Niels Bohr
I've never been able to plan my life. I just lurch from indecision to indecision.
Alan Rickman
I donate money to the existing foundation that funds the US Ski Team kids.
Picabo Street