Maybe I'll learn a trade. I've considered taxidermy. I always thought it was a shame you couldn't do that on people.
More Quotes from David Sedaris:
When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.David Sedaris
After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.
David Sedaris
It was my friend Frank, a writer in San Francisco, who finally set me straight. When asked about my new look he put down his fork and stared at me for a few moments. A bow tie announces to the world you can no longer get an erection.
David Sedaris
I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.
David Sedaris
My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard on the millions of people who hate you for what you are and you're likely to turn into one of those unkempt, sloppy dressers who sag beneath the weight of the two hundred political buttons they wear pinned to their coats and knapsacks.
David Sedaris
Why refer to Lady Crack Pipe or Good Sir Dishrag when these things could never live up to all that their sex implied.
David Sedaris
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Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
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Seven and the Ragged Tiger took six months to record and finish.
Roger Andrew Taylor