I feel like Cal Ripken or something, ... This insanity is all self-imposed.
More Quotes from Andy Borowitz:
Army Offers to Pay Recruits in Gasoline.Andy Borowitz
I wanted to get away from big, expensive network projects, ... so I moved to New York and I did nothing. And then I discovered the Internet. I didn't think of it as a moneymaker -- I wrote stuff I thought my friends would find funny.
Andy Borowitz
At the Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that the decision to pay recruits in gasoline, while unorthodox, was a 'slam-dunk solution' to the Army's nagging shortfalls in enlistment.
Andy Borowitz
Get over yourselves with the coffee. You know, we all have it. It's like being famous for mustard or gum.
Andy Borowitz
I think the reason that satire is on the rise is because the real news is so bad right now, ... I'd love it if we lived in a world where there was nothing to satire, but given this world, people need satire and comedy right now. ... Humor enables us to look at the horrible things going on and survive them.
Andy Borowitz
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Based on Keywords: ripkenA person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
Alexandre Dumas
I live now on borrowed time, waiting in the anteroom for the summons that will inevitably come. And then - I go on to the next thing, whatever it is. One doesn't, luckily, have to bother about that.
Agatha Christie
You've got to either say you're going to cut taxes and find some spending cuts. I think we ought to reform long-term entitlement spending in the country, but you can't out of one side of your mouth say, 'Yes, we're for tax cuts, we're for spending discipline, and we're for bringing down the debt.'
Harold Ford