After Sept. 11, I didn't write a piece for a couple of days because I thought people wouldn't want me to be funny. This time, it was so obvious what could be written, and I'll continue to write it. I can usually gauge reader response from the number of people who cancel on my e-mail list, and there's been no major withdrawal.
More Quotes from Andy Borowitz:
At the Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that the decision to pay recruits in gasoline, while unorthodox, was a 'slam-dunk solution' to the Army's nagging shortfalls in enlistment.Andy Borowitz
I feel like Cal Ripken or something, ... This insanity is all self-imposed.
Andy Borowitz
I am resigning effective immediately. Bo Derek will become the new vice president.
Andy Borowitz
Get over yourselves with the coffee. You know, we all have it. It's like being famous for mustard or gum.
Andy Borowitz
Army Offers to Pay Recruits in Gasoline.
Andy Borowitz
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Nolan Ryan
What I'm fighting for now in my work... for an expression relevant to all manner of blacks, poems I could take into a tavern, into the street, into the halls of a housing project.
Gwendolyn Brooks
It is essential that we put an end to steroid abuse and set a better example for aspiring young athletes to follow, so that some day, when they make it in the All Star Game, it will be because of their own natural talents, and not because of a performance enhancing product.
Jim Sensenbrenner