MINSTREL, adj. Formerly a poet, singer or musician now a nigger with a color less than skin deep and a humor more than flesh and blood can bear.
More Quotes from Ambrose Gwinett Bierce:
DANGER, n.A savage beast which, when it sleeps, Man girds at and despises, But takes himself away by leaps And bounds when it arises. --Ambat DelasoAmbrose Gwinett Bierce
DEAD, adj.Done with the work of breathing done With all the world the mad race run Though to the end the golden goal Attained and found to be a hole --Squatol Johnes
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
DEGENERATE, adj. Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were striking examples of degeneracy it required ten of them to raise a rock or a riot that one of the heroes of the Trojan war could have raised with ease. Homer never tires of sneering at men who live in these degenerate days, which is perhaps why they suffered him to beg his bread --a marked instance of returning good for evil, by the way, for if they had forbidden him he would certainly have starved.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith. The following lines (said to be from the pen of his Grace Bishop Potter) seem to imply that the usefulness of this utensil is not limited to this world but as the consequences of its employment in this life reach over into the life to come, so also itself may be found on the other side, rewarding its devoteesOld Nick was summoned to the skies. Said Peter Your intentions Are good, but you lack enterprise Concerning new inventions.Now, broiling in an ancient plan Of torment, but I hear it Reported that the frying-pan Sears best the wicked spirit.Go get one --fill it up with fat -- Fry sinners brown and good in't.I know a trick worth two o' that, Said Nick --I'll cook their food in't.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
DULLARD, n. A member of the reigning dynasty in letters and life. The Dullards came in with Adam, and being both numerous and sturdy have overrun the habitable world. The secret of their power is their insensibility to blows tickle them with a bludgeon and they laugh with a platitude. The Dullards came originally from Boeotia, whence they were driven by stress of starvation, their dullness having blighted the crops. For some centuries they infested Philistia, and many of them are called Philistines to this day. In the turbulent times of the Crusades they withdrew thence and gradually overspread all Europe, occupying most of the high places in politics, art, literature, science and theology. Since a detachment of Dullards came over with the Pilgrims in the Mayflower and made a favorable report of the country, their increase by birth, immigration, and conversion has been rapid and steady. According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians. The intellectual centre of the race is somewhere about Peoria, Illinois, but the New England Dullard is the most shockingly moral.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
CLIO, n. One of the nine Muses. Clio's function was to preside over history --which she did with great dignity, many of the prominent citizens of Athens occupying seats on the platform, the meetings being addressed by Messrs. Xenophon, Herodotus and other
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
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