FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith. The following lines (said to be from the pen of his Grace Bishop Potter) seem to imply that the usefulness of this utensil is not limited to this world but as the consequences of its employment in this life reach over into the life to come, so also itself may be found on the other side, rewarding its devoteesOld Nick was summoned to the skies. Said Peter Your intentions Are good, but you lack enterprise Concerning new inventions.Now, broiling in an ancient plan Of torment, but I hear it Reported that the frying-pan Sears best the wicked spirit.Go get one --fill it up with fat -- Fry sinners brown and good in't.I know a trick worth two o' that, Said Nick --I'll cook their food in't.
More Quotes from Ambrose Gwinett Bierce:
SEAL, n. A mark impressed upon certain kinds of documents to attest their authenticity and authority. Sometimes it is stamped upon wax, and attached to the paper, sometimes into the paper itself. Sealing, in this sense, is a survival of an ancient custom of inscribing important papers with cabalistic words or signs to give them a magical efficacy independent of the authority that they represent. In the British museum are preserved many ancient papers, mostly of a sacerdotal character, validated by necromantic pentagrams and other devices, frequently initial letters of words to conjure with and in many instances these are attached in the same way that seals are appended now. As nearly every reasonless and apparently meaningless custom, rite or observance of modern times had origin in some remote utility, it is pleasing to note an example of ancient nonsense evolving in the process of ages into something really useful. Our word sincere is derived from sine cero, without wax, but the learned are not in agreement as to whether this refers to the absence of the cabalistic signs, or to that of the wax with which letters were formerly closed from public scrutiny. Either view of the matter will serve one in immediate need of an hypothesis. The initials L. S., commonly appended to signatures of legal documents, mean locum sigillis, the place of the seal, although the seal is no longer used --an admirable example of conservatism distinguishing Man from the beasts that perish. The words locum sigillis are humbly suggested as a suitable motto for the Pribyloff Islands whenever they shall take their place as a sovereign State of the American Union.Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
BOTTLE-NOSED, adj. Having a nose created in the image of its maker.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
COURT FOOL, n. The plaintiff.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
ICHOR, n. A fluid that serves the gods and goddesses in place of blood.Fair Venus, speared by Diomed, Restrained the raging chief and saidBehold, rash mortal, whom you've bled -- Your soul's stained white with ichorshed --Mary Doke
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Truth -- An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
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Based on Topics: Belief & Faith Quotes, Cooking Quotes, Intention Quotes, Life Quotes, World QuotesBased on Keywords: broiling, frying-pan, incautiously, int, propagation, sombre, tramp, utensil
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