I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
More Quotes from Elayne Boosler:
Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?Elayne Boosler
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
Elayne Boosler
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
Elayne Boosler
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.
Elayne Boosler
The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
Elayne Boosler
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I don't know if I work in order to do something, or in order to know why I can't do what I want to do.
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Let's deal with reality. The reality is that we will be reading Miranda rights to the corpse of Osama bin Laden. He will never appear in an American courtroom.
Eric Holder