SALACITY, n. A certain literary quality frequently observed in popular novels, especially in those written by women and young girls, who give it another name and think that in introducing it they are occupying a neglected field of letters and reaping an overlooked harvest. If they have the misfortune to live long enough they are tormented with a desire to burn their sheaves.
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FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs. The first mention of frogs in profane literature is in Homer's narrative of the war between them and the mice. Skeptical persons have doubted Homer's authorship of the work, but the learned, ingenious and industrious Dr. Schliemann has set the question forever at rest by uncovering the bones of the slain frogs. One of the forms of moral suasion by which Pharaoh was besought to favor the Israelities was a plague of frogs, but Pharaoh, who liked them fricasees, remarked, with truly oriental stoicism, that he could stand it as long as the frogs and the Jews could so the programme was changed. The frog is a diligent songster, having a good voice but no ear. The libretto of his favorite opera, as written by Aristophanes, is brief, simple and effective --brekekex-koax the music is apparently by that eminent composer, Richard Wagner. Horses have a frog in each hoof --a thoughtful provision of nature, enabling them to shine in a hurdle race.Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
GENTEEL, adj. Refined, after the fashion of a gent.Observe with care, my son, the distinction I reveal A gentleman is gentle and a gent genteel. Heed not the definitions your Unabridged presents, For dictionary makers are generally gents. --G.J.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
BRAHMA, n. He who created the Hindoos, who are preserved by Vishnu and destroyed by Siva --a rather neater division of labor than is found among the deities of some other nations. The Abracadabranese, for example, are created by Sin, maintained by Theft and destroyed by Folly. The priests of Brahma, like those of Abracadabranese, are holy and learned men who are never naughty.O Brahma, thou rare old Divinity, First Person of the Hindoo Trinity, You sit there so calm and securely, With feet folded up so demurely -- You're the First Person Singular, surely. --Polydore Smith
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider.When Jove sent blessings to all men that are, And Mercury conveyed them in a jar, That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth Disease for the apothecary's hea
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
BOTTLE-NOSED, adj. Having a nose created in the image of its maker.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
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