LAW, n.Once Law was sitting on the bench, And Mercy knelt a-weeping.Clear out he cried, disordered wench Nor come before me creeping. Upon your knees if you appear,'Tis plain your have no standing here.Then Justice came. His Honor criedYour status --devil seize youAmica curiae, she replied --Friend of the court, so please you.Begone he shouted --there's the door -- I never saw your face before --G.J.
More Quotes from Ambrose Gwinett Bierce:
Aborigines, n. Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber they fertilize.Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
RELIQUARY, n. A receptacle for such sacred objects as pieces of the true cross, short-ribs of the saints, the ears of Balaam's ass, the lung of the cock that called Peter to repentance and so forth. Reliquaries are commonly of metal, and provided with a lock to prevent the contents from coming out and performing miracles at unseasonable times. A feather from the wing of the Angel of the Annunciation once escaped during a sermon in Saint Peter's and so tickled the noses of the congregation that they woke and sneezed with great vehemence three times each. It is related in the Gesta Sanctorum that a sacristan in the Canterbury cathedral surprised the head of Saint Dennis in the library. Reprimanded by its stern custodian, it explained that it was seeking a body of doctrine. This unseemly levity so raged the diocesan that the offender was publicly anathematized, thrown into the Stour and replaced by another head of Saint Dennis, brought from Rome.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
ABSENTEE, n. A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
INDECISION, n. The chief element of success for whereas, saith Sir Thomas Brewbold, there is but one way to do nothing and divers way to do something, whereof, to a surety, only one is the right way, it followeth that he who from indecision standeth still hath not so many chances of going astray as he who pusheth forwards --a most clear and satisfactory exposition on the matter. Your prompt decision to attack, said Genera Grant on a certain occasion to General Gordon Granger, was admirable you had but five minutes to make up your mind in. Yes, sir, answered the victorious subordinate, it is a great thing to be know exactly what to do in an emergency. When in doubt whether to attack or retreat I never hesitate a moment --I toss us a copper. Do you mean to say that's what you did this time; Yes, General but for Heaven's sake don't reprimand me I disobeyed the coin.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
TECHNICALITY, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder. His exact words were Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the head, so that one side of the head fell upon one shoulder and the other side upon the other shoulder. The defendant was acquitted by instruction of the court, the learned judges holding that the words did not charge murder, for they did not affirm the death of the cook, that being only an inference.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
INFERIAE, n. Latin Among the Greeks and Romans, sacrifices for propitation of the Dii Manes, or souls of the dead heroes for the pious ancients could not invent enough gods to satisfy their spiritual needs, and had to have a number of makeshift deities, or, as a sailor might say, jury-gods, which they made out of the most unpromising materials. It was while sacrificing a bullock to the spirit of Agamemnon that Laiaides, a priest of Aulis, was favored with an audience of that illustrious warrior's shade, who prophetically recounted to him the birth of Christ and the triumph of Christianity, giving him also a rapid but tolerably complete review of events down to the reign of Saint Louis. The narrative ended abruptly at the point, owing to the inconsiderate crowing of a cock, which compelled the ghosted King of Men to scamper back to Hades. There is a fine mediaeval flavor to this story, and as it has not been traced back further than Pere Brateille, a pious but obscure writer at the court of Saint Louis, we shall probably not err on the side of presumption in considering it apocryphal, though Monsignor Capel's judgment of the matter might be different and to that I bow --wow.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Readers Who Like This Quotation Also Like:
Based on Topics: Cry Quotes, Law & Regulation QuotesBased on Keywords: disordered, knelt, nonce, wench
There's no one thing that is true. They're all true.
Ernest Hemingway
Garry Marshall is a joy. I feel so utterly safe in his hands.
Julie Andrews
To campaign against colonialism is like barking up a tree that has already been cut down.
Andrew Cohen